Friday, May 17, 2013

A Tupperware Party for Guys

I doubt that there is a middle class household in America that doesn’t have some Tupperware items. My wife sold the stuff for a couple of years so we had more than our share. One spare bedroom was dedicated to Tupperware. It started out as an office but, in no time there was Tupperware floor to ceiling and wall to wall. It was difficult to get the door open in that room.

The only thing in there except Tupperware was the computer with a little walk path to get to it. I called that room the Tupperwarehouse. When our youngest son moved out my wife was going to Tuppersize that room, too, but I put a lock on it and nailed the door and window shut.

Whenever we were shopping together, I noticed that my wife watched me extra closely when I got near any sort of tools. She just wasn’t about to let me come away with more tools, than I already had, without laying down some obstacles.

Yet, even before she was selling Tupperware herself, she could not go to and come away from a Tupperware party without buying a few things. Not only that, but she would book her own party. When I questioned the rationale of this she would tell me how she saved a bunch of money.

“Okay,” I would ask, “did you save enough that we can go out for supper tonight?”

“Well… no.”

“That’s okay. Did you save enough for carry out pizza and a cold 24 ounce can of Michelob Ultra?” 

All of this happens under the pretext of helping out her friends that hosted the parties. The problem is that many of her friends have the same friends so more party invitations go out and more purchases are made and more parties are booked to “help out friends.” I call it exploitation of friends by Tupperware, rather than friends helping friends, but, hey, it works. It’s business.

When my wife was selling Tupperware I began visualizing the Tupperware party plan of selling for guy’s interests. Before you laugh, think about it. Guys aren’t going to buy much Tupperware but what about a Black & Decker party? For the first time, guys could use the same excuse that their wives used for buying more Tupperware, to buy more tools.

The host of a Black & Decker party wouldn’t meet each of the guys at the door to tell him how delighted he is that his friend could come. There wouldn’t be any coffee and cakes either. A Black & Decker party for guys would go more like this fictional account that follows.

One of the guys rang the doorbell and then heard a loud voice from inside.

“It’s open!” The guy walked in… “Hey Jake! Ya’ wanna’ beer?”

“Sounds good!”

“It’s over there in the big cooler. We got some nachos about to come outta’ the oven, some pickled eggs on the counter and there’s some chili on the stove. I’ll warn you right now though. That chili is some goooood stuff!”

When all of guys arrived the host announced that it was time to grab another beer because the show was about to start. The guys all gathered around and the Black & Decker dealer took over with an ice-breaker game. Each of the guys had the name of classic car or motorcycle taped to his back and had to guess what it was by asking questions of the other guys.

The winner of the game chose a prize from a bucket of small promotional items that included a machinist’s ruler, a carpenter’s pencil, pen knife, mini flashlight, coupons for Bass Pro, a Duncan yoyo, etc. Then after the winner chose his prize, the bucket was placed in the center of the room and the guys were instructed to help themselves to one of the gifts. Guys don’t care much about frivolous freebies, though, so most of them took this as a chance to run for another beer and a plate of nachos. It was kind of like super bowl halftime.

One of the guys did take the yoyo. He said that it was for his kid but, a few more beers into the afternoon, he was going around the world, walking the dog and rocking the cradle with practiced skill. His kid might get the yoyo but Dad was breaking it in.

The show went on and, thanks to a good flow of beer, the sales were good. The featured item was a four-in-one power tool set. The dealer demonstrated how the four units in the set all took the same 18 volt rechargeable lithium-ion battery pack. There were two battery packs in the set.

The dealer sold seven of the sets among a group of eleven guys. The price was inflated about 25% over what Home Depot would charge for a similar set made by Ryobi. What the heck, though?

Home Depot didn’t serve up free beer, nachos, pickled eggs and chili. What’s more, the guys felt good about helping out their buddy, the host. The dealer demonstrated other items also.

There was a reciprocating saw blade that would cut through most everything and, like the little Energizer bunny, just keeps on going and going and going.

“This blade will cut through everything except hot butter in the summer time.” The dealer laughed at his lame joke while guys looked back at him in total deadpan. At least, one person was amused, anyway. Every guy at the party put in an order of some sort to help out the host.

With all of the sales, the host was able to purchase the four-in-one power tool set at 25% off of the regular price. What’s more, there were enough party bookings to get him 10% off of any purchases totaling over $500. It doesn’t get any better than that. The host couldn’t wait tell his wife about all of the money that he saved.

The party wound down and the dealer packed up his demonstration kit. Some of the guys helped him carry his stuff to his pick-up truck. The dealer drove away feeling really great about the sales.

If this level of success kept up then he would be able to do more than make child support payments with his party earnings. He just hoped that his ex didn’t find out that he had found a cash cow. She would want more milk for the babies and would try to skim the cream for herself.

Since the total party sales exceeded $2000, all of the guys in attendance were eligible for a discounted NRA membership. As the guys started filtering out to go home, the host made sure that each of them had an application for NRA membership in their hand, if they weren’t already a member.

Some of the guys were trying to get a poker game together before everyone left.

“I need some winnings to pay for my new four-in-one set.”

“You might end up paying for mine,” challenged another.

One of them called out as Jake was about to leave.

“Hey Jake! Don’t you want to play some poker?”

“Nah, I gotta’ get home before the flatulence sets in from the beer and chili.”

“We don’t give a whip if you blow a few farts, Jake.”

“Yeah, I know but I was thinking of my wife. She always says that I never bring anything back from these parties for her.” Jake grinned at his twisted humor and the guys all laughed.

The guys watched as Jake wobbled out and attempted to fit his key in the door lock of a blue jacked-up four-wheel drive Chevy truck. One of the guys ran out to intercept him. Jake was still fumbling with the key in the door lock.

“Are you okay, Jake?”

“Yeah, man, I’m fine. I only had four or five beers. I can’t get my key into the door lock, though. My key fob wouldn’t pop the locks either.”

“Jake, look at the truck and look at your key.”

The key had a Ford logo clearly stamped onto it. Jake backed up and looked at the truck.”

“Oh, man! I am so glad that you stopped me! This is almost the same shade of blue as my truck.”

“Its okay, Jake. Friends don’t let friends drive Chevys.”

Jake wobbled over to his blue jacked-up Ford F350, climbed in and was on his way home.


  1. this is a riot marlin.
    i've been to tupperware parties and pampered chef parties, but this party takes the cake, or chili!
    fun article,
    my best,

    1. Thanks for the read and comment, Sue.
      I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

  2. Replies
    1. Thank you very much for the positive feedback, Ben. I don't get a lot of comments, good or bad, so i wonder how people take my twisted humor.

      You should check the rest of the blog. You might enjoy other reading on Some Thing Funny... Some Things Not...

      You've made my day!