Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Different Traffic Signals and What They Really Mean

A red left turn only light means wait patiently until the light turns green to give you the right of way.

A green left turn only light means you have the right of way to safely make your left turn if the intersection is clear.

A yellow left turn only light means gas on it so that you can still get through in time.

A red left turn only light, if you are rapidly accelerating toward the intersection, means gas on it even harder and screw the safety of yourself and anyone else in that intersection because you’re going through anyway as long as you think that can do it without a rollover.

Laying into your horn while some jackass makes a left turn in front of you, on red left turn light, means that you think that the jackass is a selfish bastard. Further, it means that you have no sense of self control so, you sound your horn in lieu of screaming at the jackass who you think is a selfish bastard. Consequently, you distract everyone else in the intersection with your horn that was meant for a warning rather than pseudo-cursing of jackasses.

A slight beep-beep of your horn, when the car in front of you doesn't move on green light, is a polite reminder that green lights mean to go.

Laying into your horn, when the car in front of you doesn't move on a green light means that you think that the driver is a dumbass.

Flipping someone off either means that you’re too impatient to allow another driver to make a mistake without judging them harshly or you’re too immature and too insecure to shrug off someone else’s pseudo-cursing horn directed at your own mistake.

A turn signal on the car ahead of you in heavy traffic means that you should gas on it, change lanes, and cut the driver before he can make the lane change that he has signaled his intention to do.

A turn signal on the heavy truck ahead of in any kind of traffic means that you should gas on it, change lanes and cut him off before he can make a lane change to be in position for his upcoming turn.

If the truck moves into the lane over top of your car then it means that there is a profound concept, of blind spots for drivers of heavy trucks, that was evidently unfamiliar to you.

If this lands you in a hospital with life changing injuries it means that the agent of an ambulance chasing lawyer will be right behind you to assess that possibility that the law firm represented can make some big money off of your misery and throw you enough money to make you feel like you got a deal.

Instead, this may put you on your back in a box with a painted face and your veins full of formaldehyde. Your family can say how “natural” that you look after the trauma that you went through. It means that the ambulance chaser will meet with your family instead of you.

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