Friday, July 12, 2013

Save a Flush... Pee in the Shower

It’s odd how some of the strangest memories can come back to us sometimes. I’m talking about things that really don’t matter but, like the jingle from an old television commercial, they pop into our conscious minds from time-to-time. That happened to me the other day. I was remembering a blowhard from my Navy days whose recruit training experience was far different from anything that I went through or had heard of before his bragging.

Recruit training, or boot camp, as it most often referred to, is an eight to twelve week period that is more perpetual harassment and hazing than it is training. Everyone is superior to the recruits in boot camp so there is no shortage of harassment. This treatment of recruits has purpose in terms of combat effectiveness. Everyone must conform and work toward the common benefit of the team regardless of distractions. Those who cannot function as an individual with purpose within and as a unit or those who crack under the pressure, are weeded out. They’re returned to civilian life before they are put in a situation that could cost lives or injuries.

Assault upon a peer or a superior in boot camp is simply not tolerated. Yet, the blowhard bragged of a two separate incidents in which he assaulted someone. I don’t believe his stories in entirety but one of them caused me to wonder of a specific human behavior. 

The blowhard told of how he and several men were taking a shower together in a gang shower. Privacy was not a luxury for recruits in the nineteen-sixties. The shower drains were not working properly and, thus, the men were standing in ankle deep water as they showered. 

This, in itself, is gross enough. Add to it that one of the men had to pee and let it go in the shower and it is beyond gross. The blowhard boasted that he knocked the guy out right there in the shower for this indiscretion. I can’t say that I blame him if the story is true but I doubt that he got away with it without suffering time in the brig. In boot camp brig time was almost always hard labor so, being the braggart that he was, I would have expected more boasting of how the blowhard survived the hard labor.

Regardless of the truth of the blowhard’s story it caused me to wonder, why would anybody want to pee in the shower with the toilet just a few steps away? As I thought about it more, I wondered, why not? Unless you’re in a gang shower, with others like this blowhard was, who is going to know anyway? Then I began to think of good reasons to pee in the shower.

If you’re a tree-hugging conservationist, here is your chance to save a few gallons of water. Why waste the water to flush when your shower water will flush your pee down the shower drain just fine?

Has the sound of running water ever given you the urge to pee? Of course, it has. You turn on the shower, step in and it hits you. You just have to pee.

Now you’re all wet and that gives you another good reason to pee in the shower. Do you want to risk a slip and fall accident in your bathroom? Then imagine getting knocked out in the fall and coming back into consciousness, on your bathroom floor, as naked as the day that you were born. There are several paramedics crowded around you. The one that is hovering directly over you asks what happened. You explain that you had to pee and fell on the way to the throne. If all of this hasn’t already embarrassed you into a full-body deep blush then imagine the paramedic asking you, in response, why you didn’t just pee in the shower.

For the men, if you return to the toilet to pee while you’re dripping wet, then you’re certain to drip on the seat. For a lot you that won’t matter much, as is evident in public restrooms. Then again, anybody who will dribble on a toilet seat probably won’t have any reservations about peeing in the shower anyway.

Peeing in the shower eliminates that possibility of a man splattering his shoes.

Another plus for men, you won’t have to flip the drip if you pee in the shower.

Then for the women, where else can you pee standing up? Not only that, there will be no worries of toilet paper residue or dribbles in your panties if there is no toilet paper.

If it’s a public shower, such as in a campground, then ladies, you won’t have to hover if you pee in the shower. What’s more, if somebody turns out the lights, you won’t have concern for whether the toilet seat is up or down in the dark.

Important for all of us, if you’re showering before going into the swimming pool, there is no doubt that the other swimmers would much rather have you pee the shower than pee in the pool.

One can’t help but wonder the response if persons were asked if they have ever peed in the shower. That would be good a Jay Leno street question. A good guess is that about five percent of people would unabashedly admit to peeing in the shower. The other ninety-five percent would lie.

One last idea is probably easier for men to relate to than women. Most men have, at one time or another, been taking care of business at the urinal when their sphincter, as if having a mind of its own, begins to unlatch the back door. Guaranteed, the butt cheeks will immediately override the sphincter for fear of the browns coming out before the game is ready to start. You simply don’t want that to happen in the shower. The butt cheeks might be fooled, for the lack of covering, and fail to make the required emergency effort to keep the gate closed.

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