Too Hot to Handle

Matt brought the pot of chili to a boil and then turned it down to simmer for awhile. He and Jason, his roomie were having friends over on Saturday to watch the game. Matt’s chili was always a popular request.

Matt made it from scratch and used only fresh ingredients. Nothing that went into his chili came out of a can, package or shaker jar. After cooking, he always let the chili set in the refrigerator for a day or two to bring the flavors together.

Matt watched the news as the chili simmered. About an hour later he got up and turned off the chili so that it could cool. He turned off the TV and settled back into the recliner to do some assigned reading for one of his classes.

The recliner wasn’t the best place to read. It wasn’t long before Matt dozed off. When he woke up later he found that involuntary vascular dilations had caused some discomfort in his jeans.

Matt tugged at his jeans and pushed things around in an effort to ease the discomfort. It wasn’t working. He looked at the clock on his phone. Jason was at work and wouldn’t be home for hours. There was no sense of letting this go to waste.

Matt stood up, stripped down and kicked back in the recliner totally naked. Ninety percent of guys will admit to self-gratification on occasion. The other ten percent were liars in Matt’s opinion.

Not long after getting started, Matt realized that he should have washed his hands after cutting up the chili peppers. However, the climbing warmth, from within, was overriding the heat upon his tender parts as he continued in his excitement. It wasn’t long before the sensation of the chili peppers was actually enhancing Matt’s gradual building of internal rush.

When Matt climaxed it was far better than any Do-It-Yourself experience that he could remember in the recent past. All of the fibers of his body relaxed as Matt melted into the recliner. The soldier went from full attention to parade rest. Soon it was fully at ease and the remaining semen that was oozing from it turned cold against Matt’s abdomen.

About that time another sensation won Matt’s attention. The excitement was over but the heat of fresh chili peppers on Matt’s pecker was not. There are approximately three-thousand nerve endings in a male penis. And now, every one of those nerves was sending signals of extreme burning terror to Matt’s brain.

He grabbed his shorts and wiped himself clean of semen before charging to the kitchen sink. He soaked a wash cloth in cold water and began rubbing himself with it in effort to gain relief. Most everyone has experienced trying to drink water for relief from spicy food in their mouth.

Water wasn’t working on Matt’s privates any better than it does in one’s mouth. In fact, it was worse. Rubbing with the wet cloth had spread the capsaicin to his scrotum. There, it burned worse than on his penis.

Then he remembered that drinking milk would help to calm a mouth burning of spicy food. There was no milk in the refrigerator but there were snack-sized containers of fruit-flavored yogurt. Grabbing the first one in reach, Matt peeled back the foil cover and applied a generous supply to his burning privates.

He was starting to feel better when there was a knock at the door. Matt froze. Then he could hear female voices outside the door. One of the two girls, who was a friend of Jason’s, wanted to drop off some notes that she had borrowed from him. The other girl hoped to use the bathroom while she was there. They knocked again.

“That’s odd,” Matt heard the voice again. “Jason said that Matt would be here. Maybe it’s unlocked and I can just leave this on the kitchen counter.”

There was nowhere to go. Matt’s wide-opened eyes locked on the turned-open deadbolt and then the door knob as Ashley twisted it from the outside. He wondered what greater hell that there could be than having your privates on fire, smeared with blueberry yogurt and getting caught naked in the kitchen at the same time. He was about to find out.

Ashley pushed the door open enough to lean in and called out toward the living room. She saw Matt’s clothes on the floor by the recliner and picked up the faint odor of fresh sex. She was about to withdraw back outside when she saw Matt standing naked by the kitchen sink.

“What the…?” Ashley’s face filled with confusion. She stood in the half-opened door staring at Matt and trying to assess the minimal information into something that made sense.

Her friend, Morgan, pushed up behind her. When she got an eye full of Matt, she forgot that she had to pee. She couldn’t stop laughing.

Morgan pushed past her friend and stood, with one hand on the kitchen counter, hardly able to keep her knees from buckling at the hilarity of what she saw. Ashley was amused, too, but more at the reaction of her friend than the naked man with blueberry yogurt on his balls and standing naked in the kitchen. After a bit, Morgan regained enough control over herself to remember that she had to pee.

“I have to pee but don’t let him break that pose before I get back.”

When Morgan returned, Ashley was laughing hard, too. She had figured out what had happened, from the cloths on floor with the scent of semen, and the fragments of sentences as Matt tried to explain. Ashley related the story, with her own embellishments as she went along, and two girls nearly peed themselves from laughing, anyway.

The girls eventually calmed down. Matt cleaned up and got dressed. The story was soon all over the campus and there was no end to the teasing at the gathering for the game on Saturday.

Matt held up to the harassment pretty well. It helped his ego that the incident resulted in eventual intimacy between Morgan and him. He didn’t mind that. If it became permanent the two would have a funny story to tell for many years to come.

One thing that would never be the same again was Matt’s reputation for making chili. It was a hot topic now.